Dear L
by Shadow Dancer666
Summary: Dear L, please get pregnant. At least then you'll be forced to eat healthy, stand straight, sit normally, and sleep like a normal person. Minus the morning sickness of course. Love, Light. SEQUEL to Dear Mello; Warnings: LightxL, mpreg, foul language, AU
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is yet another mpreg fanfiction! I really couldn't help myself. XD After Dear Mello, this idea struck me like a thunderbolt, so here it is! This one will be a two-shot because it ended up being longer than Dear Mello and I thought it would be easier to read if it was split up. Also, I've decided to take a different approach with this story. Most mpregs are about the pregnant guy's relationship with his boyfriend and all the hardships they face. However, since I've done that and seen it done a hundred times, I decided that this story will focus on how they break it to their respective families. Of course there'll be the hardships and relationship between the two, but it won't be the focus. Also, this is a sister piece to Dear Mello so it is AU.  
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**Ugh, forgive me if I'm sounding weird. I'm just exhausted. -dies- But I'd like to add that this story will be dedicated to Panda-chan23. I feel terribly bad about not being able to reply to your wonderful reviews, so please accept this instead. Everyone, please enjoy!**

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* * *

**_Dear L,_

_Please get pregnant. At least then__  
you'll be forced to eat healthy, stand straight,__  
sit normally, and sleep like a regular person.  
Minus the morning sickness, of course._

_Love,  
Light Yagami_

_

* * *

  
_"L, I'm not kidding," Light gritted through clenched teeth. "Give me the damn cookie jar. Now."

The raven-haired man watched Light warily as he put the highly expensive couch between him and his bipolar lover. After all, these were brand new chocolate chip cookies (freshly baked by Mello) and he wasn't planning on handing them over to _anybody_. Not even a starving child in Africa. They could hunt dung beetles or something.

"Light-chan, I don't think that you are acting as mature as you claim to be," he shot back calmly, prepared to defend his cookies if the need arose.

"You've had over 10,000 calories today," Light reasoned as calmly as he could. "And not a single ounce of that was from something edible."

"If that were an accurate statement, then I wouldn't have been able to consume 10,000 calories. I believe the definition of inedible is "a substance that cannot be eaten or ingested in the human body…'"

Poor Light couldn't take it anymore. He had spent every waking hour with his crazed lover arguing and fighting over everything, and this time he wasn't going to back down, no matter how ridiculous the _older_ man was acting. Light always got what he wanted, and right now he wanted those fucking cookies. Giving into a childish battle-cry, he lunged over the expensive couch to try to get the ceramic jar that housed the diabolical treats. As expected, L dodged the clumsy tackle and returned the sentiment with a back round-house kick to Light's clavicle.

"Gah! Damn it all, L, just give me the fucking cookies!"

"My, my, you have such a potty mouth, Light-chan. Do you kiss your mother with that-" Just as quickly as he started talking, L stopped.

Not hearing L's grating voice, Light looked up in concern. "L? Are you ok?" The British man looked a little queasy as he swayed on his feet, but when he opened his mouth to reply, he promptly passed out. Fainted, really.

"L?!"

~_~_~_~_~_

"Does he have fatal diabetes?!" Light cried as soon as the doctor walked into the hospital room.

She was looking over the papers pinned to her clipboard and shaking her head. When she looked up she wanted to sigh; she could tell that the two in front of her were idiots just by looking at them. "Hello, my name is Doctor Amelia Hawthorne, and I'll be taking care of you today."

"Cut to the chase already!" Light snapped.

"Can I go home yet?" L asked boredly, playing with the edge of his paper gown. "I left the cake in the oven."

Words failed the concerned and furious Asian as he sputtered at his live-in boyfriend. Dr. Hawthorne shook her head again for good measure. "Well, to make this sweet and to the point, no you do not have a fatal condition, Mr., er, Lolipop Lane."

"Ah, that's a relief. Aren't you excited Light-chan?"

"Yes, overjoyed," Light hissed as he glared daggers at L. "The fact that my house is probably burnt to a cinder right now is an inconsequential speck when compared to the fact that you'll still alive. For now."

"I have a few questions for you two before you can leave," Dr. Hawthorne stated. "Once we get this all settled you'll be free to leave."

"Oh good, maybe there's still time to save my…journals." Light nodded his head. Maybe all wasn't lost after all.

"Ok, here we go. When's the last time you two had sex?"

"Oh my gosh!" L squealed in an uncharacteristic way. "How can you say that?! We're _brothers_."

The woman's face turned a pleasant shade of crimson. "Oh, I thought, well…you know, uh…"

L's face returned to its natural impassive state. "Just kidding. Carry on."

Light rolled his eyes. "Since he refuses to act like the adult he is, I'll answer the questions. Three hours ago."

"E-excuse me?"

"You asked when was the last time we had sex, and I just answered. Three hours ago. Right before the cookie incident."

"Well, how about the time before that?"

"Three and a half hours ago."

"Er, you two get along pretty well, don't you?" she chuckled nervously. "How about, with the exception of the last twenty four hours, when was the last time you had sex?"

Light didn't have to think twice before answering. "Twenty four hours and fifteen minutes."

"You're not one of those crazy fan girls who are trying to get a sex tape from us, are you?" L questioned as he pulled his gown a little further down.

"No! I mean, this is all relevant to your current condition."

L sighed. "Light, I told you that sugar-free strawberry and cream lube was bad for me. See? I've had an allergic reaction to it."

"Oh suck it up," Light hissed. "Besides, you'd be dead by now if you really were allergic to it."

"Do you see how he treats me?" L asked the overwhelmed woman with his puppy eyes.

"Look, you two, I don't know much about your relationship, but I was simply trying to get an idea of the baby's age before letting you know that you're pregnant!"

All was silent for a moment. "Who? Me or him?" L asked pointing to the flabbergasted teenager.

"Who the hell takes it up the ass you sorry excuse for an almost thirty-year-old sugar addicted pedophile?!!" Light screeched.

"No need to be snippy," L huffed. "Besides, I waited until you were eighteen before I let you fuck me."

"Oh, and your shoving your ridiculously big cock up my ass all the times before that was ok?"

"I do recall you screaming for more, Light-chan," L stated. "Besides, seventeen is close enough to eighteen. Just a few months difference."

"Er, I believe that we're drifting," Dr. Hawthorne interrupted. "Mr. Lane, you've tested positive in the pregnancy test."

"What kind of hospital does regular pregnancy tests on men?" Light snapped.

"Under normal circumstances, I would agree with you, but recently there's been a new phenomena sweeping the country…the world really." She shuddered as she thought back to her recent days as a nurse dealing with Mr. Hotstuff and his…wife. The now retired doctor who mentored her had placed her in charge of dealing with all of his patients. Which somehow included pregnant men. "Still, it's good to find these things out soon so that you two can better prepare!"

Staring at his older lover, Light sighed heavily. He had been banging L for a while now, so why was he all of a sudden pregnant? Then again, he had been hanging around with those freak-of-nature "successors" of his and didn't that Mello get pregnant? "Must be something in those chocolate chips," he muttered to himself as L squirmed uncomfortably.

"Can I leave now?" L questioned, looking at his baggy jeans longingly.

The doctor nodded. "Yes, I suppose so. Please make an appointment for an ultrasound in a few weeks so that we can determine how long you've been pregnant."

With a curt nod, Light escorted the doctor out so that L could get dressed. He had a lot to think about.

~_~_~_~_~_

Once they arrived at the house, Light was relieved to see that Near had dropped by and shut off the oven for them. Thus, the house was still intact. Unfortunately, Near was still hanging around. As a matter of fact he was holding up what suspiciously looked like women's lingerie with this thumb and forefinger. He rose his eyebrow at the two adults an tossed it into the laundry hamper where it belonged.

"Can we help you?" Light gritted out. He really needed to have some privacy with L if they were going to figure this pregnancy thing out.

"You cannot, Light Yagami, but L can." Little smart-ass. "L, I was wondering if you could help me with something that has just come up?"

"Of course," L replied, hopping into his favorite overstuffed armchair.

Near sat on the couch across from him and as the two proceeded to carry on with their conversation, Light headed to the shared bedroom and collapsed on the bed. How long had he been in a relationship with the socially retarded, sugar-loving, bastard? Wow, it was close to four years already, and yet they still didn't get along any better than they did all those years ago. If they weren't having steamy pornography-worthy sex, then they were bickering and getting into fist-fights. L loved sugar, he loved a healthy diet. L lazed around all day, he kept up with a strict exercise routine (which took sex into account). L barely slept, he engaged in a healthy nine hours of sleep most of the time. L had terrible posture, he sat straighter than a nun and carried himself with pride that would make a soldier jealous.

"How have we managed to stay together for so long?" he mumbled into the fluffy bed cover. "We're nothing alike."

How on earth could they even consider having a child? There was no way that L would be able to survive a healthy lifestyle for long enough to have the baby and once the baby was brought into this world, how could they raise it? Their current lifestyle was most definitely not conducive to a family atmosphere.

"Hell, what would Mom and Dad say?" he grumbled, trying to imagine a scenario that didn't involve his mother and father fainting. A dad at 21 years of age? Yeah, he was going to be in a lot of trouble.

"Perhaps they would say congratulations?"

The caramel-haired Asian looked over his shoulder at the hunched idiot that he had developed _feelings_ for. Ugh, he was never going to forgive himself. "I highly doubt that, L. My family is a strict traditional Japanese family, and I haven't even told them about living with you yet. If they didn't kill me for sleeping with a man, getting him pregnant is sure to push them over the edge."

L shrugged and sat next to the younger man. "At least you're not the one incubating a fetus."

That stupid comment brought a smile to Light's lips. Sometimes L wasn't that bad. "I suppose you're right. In the worst case scenario, I could always dress you up as a girl when we deliver the news." L wrinkled his nose at the thought but didn't say anything. After all, cross-dressing wasn't exactly something new to him as evidence by their nightly activities. "Eh, I guess it won't be so bad."

Looking up at the textured ceiling, L jutted out his lower lip thoughtfully. "Do you think that we're prepared for having a baby? I mean, it's completely understandable if two adult geniuses couldn't figure out how to survive a pregnancy as well as the responsibility of raising a young child. Women have been doing it for ages, but surely no one would look down on us if we as men _couldn't_ handle it. Matt and Mello are probably exceptions to the rule, though, since they've managed it well enough."

Light bristled at those words. He, Light Yagami with perfect scores and with a brain that Einstein would kill for, not able to figure out something as simple as caring for a baby? Preposterous. L was absolutely right! Women had been doing it for ages! And if someone as stupid as Misa (a woman) could take care of a baby, then why the hell couldn't he?! Besides, no one said that Light _couldn't_ do something. He could bloody hell do anything he wanted to. And surely if the two idiots (Matt and Mello) had managed to have a baby and start raising it without killing each other, surely their superiors (Light and L) could do the same, if not better!

"You know what, L? We can do this. It can't be that difficult."

"Hunh? You really think so?"

"Absolutely! We're the two smartest people in the whole damn planet, and one baby isn't going to beat us!"

Let it never be said that Light wasn't childish or competitive. Or that L wasn't a manipulative jerk.

~_~_~_~_~_

Mello's bar of chocolate fell to the freshly steamed carpet with a thump and Matt lifted up his goggles with his not-in-a-cast-hand to reveal his horror-stricken eyes.

"Uh, say that again?" the gamer asked in a disbelieving tone.

L looked at the two calmly as he slurped down some more coffee-moistened sugar. "I said that I am now pregnant with Light's child." Only the sound of Heath suckling away happily on his bottle filled the room as the two younger boys shared a look. L's eyelid twitched in annoyance. "What, you don't think that I can handle something as basic as carrying a baby?"

Mello stared at his sugary delights spread across the foldable table that was within arm's reach of the world's greatest detective. "Er, it's not that per se…"

"I mean, you did a…great job with us…" Matt tried as he shuddered at the sight of L slurping away happily on his "drink".

"It can't be that difficult," L mumbled. "After all, if Mello can do it, then I can do it."

A vein twitched unhappily on Mello's forehead. "You make it sound like my carrying around this little fucker was an easy thing."

"Tch, tch, tch!" Matt hissed as he pulled his son into his loving arms. "Don't curse like that in front of the baby! We don't want his first words to be 'hell' or 'fuck', right?"

Sigh. "Right."

"We want it to be 'For the Horde!'"

Smack. "Wrong." While Matt nursed his abused head, Mello turned his attention back to his mentor. "Look, I'm not saying that you _can't_ handle a baby, because you can, but I'm saying that you probably wouldn't _want_ to handle a baby."

L just huffed. "I have a fun enough time babysitting Heath when you two want to engage in your S&M private time," he defended.

"I do recall having to take him to the hospital to get the sugar pumped out of him."

"That was once, Mello. Besides, you were the irresponsible one who failed to leave instructions with him."

"Um, kids don't usually come with instructions," Matt stated. "Like, that'd be creepy if they popped out with the baby."

Heath let the bottle drop from his mouth as he watched the adults bickering good-naturedly. It was a good thing that he was a child and couldn't understand anything other than food, comfort, and relieving himself. His tiny hand curled around the soft fur of his father's vest and he babbled a little for attention. Matt looked down and cuddled his baby with a stupid grin on his face. Heath just giggled and snuggled with the decidedly more touchy-feely one of his parents. Mello would just swaddle him or hand him off.

L nibbled his thumb for a moment. It was true that he hadn't been planning on getting pregnant or raising a child with the narcissistic boy named Light, but still, there was nothing he could do about it now. He was not one to waste precious time pondering the "what ifs" and "could haves" when he could be focusing on the problems at hand. Right now, he _was_ pregnant, so all he had to do was come up with the solution. Children didn't come with instructions, but surely there were plenty of books out there and the internet was probably a great place for even more tips and advice.

"I need to do some research," he muttered before swallowing a piece of pumpkin pie whole.

"We can give you the basics now," Mello offered. "First off, you're going to need to cut back on the sugar. You consume enough to _kill_ a toddler."

L never got a chance to defend himself as Matt and Mello continued their little ramble. "Oh, Mello really hated eating fruits, but if you need some sweets, strawberries and such could help out."

"Anyway, you also need a lot of sleep because it's going to wear you out carrying around a kid. It didn't help that Matt had a fucking bad habit of playing his damn games with the volume at level 50."

"And sleeping pills are _never _a good idea, so don't let that dick, Light, convince you to take any."

"Yeah. Light's a dick. And pills are bad. So, you probably need to get in the habit of sleeping! And it's going to be pretty hard to sit in that weird position when your stomach grows to the size of a watermelon…"

"Mello's got the size of a huge watermelon!"

Smack. "And Matt's got himself a little beer belly because he refuses to get his ass off the floor. At least I had a reason for being fat."

"I don't have a beer belly! Just because it isn't chiseled abs like yours doesn't mean I'm fat!"

Looking down at his own flat stomach, L toned out the bickering couple. They were absolutely right, but he had spent twenty eight years of his life building such wonderful habits, and to quit them now seemed so…sacrilegious. Shuddering, he wondered what kind of nonsense Light was undoubtedly coming up with at this very moment. It probably included things like eating toast or going on walks…

At that very moment, said Light was far too busy to be coming up with a healthy routine for his challenged lover. He was trying to keep his cool while talking to his mother on the telephone.

"So, you're still enjoying America?" she questioned sweetly with a hint of underlying concern. He was only supposed to have been there for one year, but he had kept making excuses for staying. Excuses which were just a cover for his relationship with L.

"Yes! It really is a fascinating place, and I just keep learning all kinds of things!"

"Oh? Like what?"

Like men can get pregnant. "An example would be the widely different ways that the Americans market their products. Can you believe that many people here haven't even heard of manga?"

"That's nice, Light. Are you planning on coming over for the holidays?"

That's right. Ever since that one time he left L alone for the Christmas break, he had swore to never let the older man out of his sight. Their apartment had burned down, L had called his cell phone every five minutes, and the stupid detective had even sent a special forces team to come kidnap him and bring him home. It was a nightmare. Not to mention that his addiction to the sex that was offered by the lanky man was way too strong. It was like crystal meth. "Hmmm, I'm not sure yet, Mom. I'm trying to work out my schedule, but it's a real hassle."

"And you're sure that we don't need to send more money?" she asked worriedly. "I don't want to imagine my poor baby living in one of those dirty motels while he's in college."

Ah, if she only knew what wonders L's money could do. "I'm sure that I'm fine. I've taken extra care of all of the money and I'm living in a decent and clean place. Don't worry so much!" Ugh, he was going to need all the money to take care of baby supplies. Wait, L had more than enough money for that.

"That's my job," she said warmly. "If I don't worry, no one else will!"

"I'm sure Dad worries enough too," he muttered glumly.

"Light? Is something bothering you?" she asked with the knowing tone that mothers are capable of. Her motherly intuition had always been quite keen.

"No, it's nothing," he tried to soothe.

"You can tell me, you know. I want you to know that you can trust me."

"I trust you, Mom! It's not that."

"Then?"

Sigh. She wasn't going to give up. "Well, if I were to meet someone here in America, I'm not sure how I should go about with the relationship."

"Oh!!! Have you found someone?!" she squealed excitedly. "What's she like? Why don't you invite her to spend the holidays with us?"

"Calm down, Mom," he chided. "I didn't say that I _found_ someone. This is a completely hypothetical situation."

"Mmm hmm, ok. Then, I would tell you to invite her to visit the family so that we can get to know her. You're old enough to start dating, Light, and with your looks I'm sure that you won't have any problems. Just make sure that this hypothetical girlfriend is someone that _you_ like."

If only she knew. "Hypothetically, if she was very smart and very attractive but had terrible social skills, how would you feel?"

"Oh, Light, that's no big deal. Social skills can be learned but intelligence and looks are inherent and can't be changed that much. All those crazy American women with fake breasts and faces should be ashamed for distorting what God gave them."

Again, if only she knew. Would she try burning L at the stake for being a man and being pregnant? "Well, I'm glad that that's been cleared up."

"Of course. At least she's not a man, right?" his mother added with a chuckle. Poor Light couldn't even muster the strength to fake-laugh along with her. This was looking to be a lot harder than he could have ever imagined. "Just remember to bring her when you come to visit!"

~_~_~_~_~_

Morning sickness had always been something that L had scoffed at when he heard about it. He had never accepted it as an excuse for missing work from his underlings; after all, it was just throwing up, so what was the big deal? Then again, he had been three the last time he threw up.

Now, he was wondering how much of a heartless bastard he was. Light was rubbing his back comfortingly as he retched again into the cold porcelain bowl. The younger man was still half asleep, but he had been thoughtful enough to wake up to comfort his boyfriend in such a trying moment. The fact that L had to clamber over the said boyfriend to get to the bathroom was irrelevant.

"Are you…better?" Light asked in his eloquent way.

Still panting, L shook his head. His stomach was churning and his head was pounding. Why the hell was this the body's response to a baby?! That's it. It was a sign that children were evil.

"Do you (yawn) want me to skip classes today?"

Catching his breath, L leaned back against the younger man. "N-no. I'll be fine."

Light wrapped his arms around the other and nuzzled against the milky white neck. His tongue peeked out to caress the flesh before his teeth nipped at it. L shuddered in delight before another wave of nausea swirled within him. Leaning away from the warm arms and naughty mouth, he proceeded to finish emptying his stomach.

"I'm calling Watari," Light grumbled as he stood up. "There's no way I'm leaving you alone while you're sick."

"Ugh…I still haven't, uh, told him."

Light paused at the doorway. When he turned to face his pregnant boyfriend, a sadistic smile was curled on his lips. "Well, then, what are you waiting for? Let me know how it all goes!" With that, he was gone. Damn bastard.

Later on in the day, his sentiments hadn't changed much. He had spent most of the day gauging Watari's mood. Peeking around corners, hiding under tables, nowhere was off limits when it came to his detective work. Although Watari was the genuinely gentle and kind person that most people saw, there were a few things that could send Watari into a fit of rage. For example, the bar of soap has to stay on the second self of the shower tower; never the first and most definitely _never_ on the third. L had learned this lesson early on and it stuck with him like the proverbial white on rice. This wasn't the only thing that made him a little wary of approaching the topic of his pregnancy with his caretaker. What was really making him nervous was the fact that when he had told Watari about his relationship with Light, Watari had actually frowned; it wasn't the impassive straight line, or kind chiding frown. No, it had been a full blown, downward curling frown, and in his experience that was never a good sign. However, Watari was an intelligent person, and if L didn't tell him he was bound to figure it out anyway. Then he really would be pissed off. Like, fire spewing, Godzilla stomping, pissed off.

"Watari? There is a matter which I need to discuss with you."

The old gentleman looked up from the kitchen counter that he was wiping down. Good, he was still smiling; he didn't suspect a thing. "Yes?"

Taking a deep breath, L decided to just say it really quickly. "THE BUN IS IN THE OVEN!"

Watari stared at him. "That's fine. Would you like me to get it out?"

L paled and his stomach churned even worse upon receiving _that_ mental image. "Er, no…I think you've got the wrong idea…"

Watari rose an eyebrow as he looked suspiciously at the oven. "L?"

"I'm up the duff."

"What?"

"Gravid." Anyone would be impressed with all the synonyms he was able to find. Unfortunately, his caretaker had never been worried about his charge getting pregnant (or getting someone else pregnant, for the matter) so he had no earthly clue what L was trying to say.

"Are you sick?" he questioned in concern.

"Up the spout."

"Are you using sexual innuendos on me, boy?"

Wincing, he decided to use a British term that Watari was bound to understand. "I…I'm in the pudding club!" he squeaked, making sure that the counter was between them.

For a moment, nothing happened. And then _the frown_ formed. The next few things that happened were completely unexpected, so L just watched with wide eyes. First, Watari turned white, then he turned red, and finally he turned an unhealthy shade of purple. Then he fainted, his head coming in contact with the edge of the counter as he fell.

O.O

~_~_~_~_~_

"Holy crap, he fractured his skull?!" Light screeched at his spazzing boyfriend.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" he cried desperately. "I was just doing what you said! I told him the bun was in the oven but he didn't get it so I had to go through a plethora of related terms and he still didn't get it so I told him and he turned colors and _passed out_!!"

"You never said that he would act that way! If you did, I wouldn't have trusted you to tell him the damn news!"

"But I didn't know!" And then L did the unthinkable. He began to cry. Large, loud, hiccupping sobs crying.

Light stared at the older man in horror. Not once, had he ever seen L cry; not even when he stole all the candy and gave them to the neighborhood children. Now, the man was sobbing hysterically and holding himself. People from the hospital they were at began to stare and whisper, making the brunette even more uncomfortable.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he mumbled, pulling L into a hug. "I'm sure that he's going to be fine, so there's no need for hysterics."

"Bu-bu-but!"

"No, it's okay. Shhhh…" Now people were staring, whispering, and blushing. "Let's take this outside for some privacy."

L just followed Light out into the cold winter air, tears running down his face and his sleeve wiping at his running nose. He couldn't even remember the last time he had cried like this, and it was humiliating. All kinds of emotions were bubbling up inside of him and it only made him cry even harder. Light looked more panicky, but he didn't leave L; he just pulled the crying man onto a snow-covered bench. L held out his cell phone, worried that something was seriously wrong with him. He couldn't stop crying!

"Meeelll…(hiccup) Mello (sniff)!"

Light took the hint and grabbed the phone before pressing the speed dial button. Two rings later, and a familiar voice broke through the din of some television show, a wave of gunshots, and dishes being washed. "Who the fuck's calling me?!" A screaming child was thrown into the cacophony.

"Mello, this is Light." Glancing towards his boyfriend worriedly he rushed on before he could be verbally assaulted. "This is an emergency!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Mello screeched. The noise in the background abruptly stopped. "Now what the hell are you talking about Light-post?"

"It's L," he replied as he pulled the crying man into his arms.

"What the fuck did you do to L?! I'm going to kill you! Your mother won't even recognize-"

"Would you just shut up and listen?!" Light snapped. "Watari fainted after L told him the baby news and ended up fracturing his skull and now L's crying and can't stop! He's blubbering like a retarded person at an asylum!"

"Where are you now?" Mello barked.

"The hospital closest to our place."

The tone dial droned almost immediately. Within a few minutes, the loud roar of a motorcycle was heard and Mello came skidding down the road. The ice on the road probably made that a lot more difficult than usual, but the reckless blond managed to keep control of his bike and he parked it quickly. Jumping off the vehicle, he threw down his helmet and ran to his mentor's side. Worry was etched into his face and he shot Light a dirty glare for good measure. Light pulled his arm away from L, and watched as Mello began muttering instructions in some foreign language that he wasn't familiar with. L nodded and continued to hiccup, but after a few minutes he began to calm down. Mello smiled up at him and continued speaking in that weird language while stroking back the unruly raven locks.

Once he was sure that L wasn't going to hyperventilate, Mello turned to the baffled boyfriend. "I'll refrain from insulting you right now, because L probably couldn't take it; don't get used to it."

"What the hell? What happened to him?"

"Damn, you really don't know anything about pregnancies," Mello sighed. "He'll be okay, but he was just experience a flux of hormones. It's normal for pregnant women to go through extreme mood swings which include crying over nothing, but it's even worse for a guy."

Light shook his head. "So, it's just hormones?"

"Yeah. But it's not something he can control, so don't give him shit about out! If you don't take care of him when he needs you, I promise to crush your balls before tearing them off. Then I'll kill you and dump your body into a trash heap."

The look in Mello's eye was anything but a bluff. He was being dead serious. "Well contrary to what you and Near seem to think, I do care about L and I do not treat him badly."

Mello didn't look convinced, but he kept his comments to himself. "It'd probably best to take him home right now. I'll watch over Watari so that you guys can get some rest."

"Thanks." With that, Light gently took L by the shoulders and led him back to their car. Mello spared a final glance at them before rushing into the hospital to make sure that the old fart didn't die on them.

Once they got home, Light made sure to pamper L in every way that he could (minus giving him his regular amount of sugar). He pressed butterfly kisses along the tear streaked face and rubbed the cold pale feet. Light even went out of his way to make hot chocolate with marshmallows for the poor man. Watching the young Asian bustle about nervously, L felt himself well up with love. It didn't matter what anyone said; he was madly in love with Light Yagami and he was happy to be carrying their child. When Light brought the steamy mug of chocolate goodness, L was able to crack a wavering smile and mutter a broken "thank you".

~_~_~_~_~_

"So you're the one who knocked up L."

Light sweatdropped as he stared at the stern old man sitting up in his hospital bed. There were bandages around Watari's head, but he didn't look any less intimidating. "Yes, sir. Unless L's been cheating on me. Which I doubt."

Watari's face didn't change at all. "I don't like you very much, Yagami. I haven't from the beginning." Ouch. "However, L seems to like you for some unknown reason."

"_Considering that he's carrying my baby, I'd say that his feelings are a little more than 'like',"_ he thought to himself. L just remained by his side, squeezing his hand nervously.

"Do you love L?" Watari asked firmly.

Light spared a glance at his lover's worried face and squeezed his hand back gently. "Yes, I love L, Watari-san." A blush danced daintily across L's cheeks making Light smile honestly. L wasn't just another fling or a means of relieving his boredom. He loved L with all his heart.

A smile broke across Watari's face making both of the young men start. "That's good."

"Eh?" Okay, the both of them were officially lost. He was actually _smiling_?!

"Although I still don't like you very much, I'm just glad that L found someone that he could share his life with. L's a difficult person to be around, bless his soul, but that didn't mean that I just wanted to hand him off to the first nincompoop who wanted to run off with him."

"…So, you're fine with all this?"

"Absolutely. Who wouldn't want to be a grandpa to the most intelligent baby ever born?"

L and Light shared a frightened look. If they thought that he had been a strange father to L, he was going to be a terrifying grandfather. "Maybe we shouldn't have told him," Light muttered as the old man chuckled way too cheerily.

* * *

**Author's Notes: I'm not quite sure what to say about this. My brain's dead from how long it took to write this. XD It was a lot of fun, though. Please review and let me know what you think, and I'll put up the next chapter the day after tomorrow. And remember, feel free to point out any mistakes you might find.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear L,_

_Please get pregnant. At least then  
you'll be forced to eat healthy, stand straight,  
sit normally, and sleep like a regular person.  
Minus the morning sickness, of course._

_Love,  
Light Yagami_

* * *

Because of Light being a college student, and an honor student at that, L had to spend a lot of time alone. Especially now that finals were around the corner. Mello and Matt would come over often to keep him on the straight and narrow when it came to his food consumption and nap times and Watari would come to tend for him whenever he was feeling well enough to. The head injury had been cause enough to keep him bedridden for a while. But today, L was all alone at home. He was munching on a giant watermelon slice with chocolate syrup drizzled on it and little candy stars gleaming from the sticky black treat. Smacking his lips in appreciation at the treat, L looked down at the little bulge forming where his flat stomach once was.

Grimacing, he remembered what the doctor told him at his appointment earlier that day. He wasn't exactly sure how Light was going to react to the news, but he was sure that it wouldn't be as dramatic as Watari's was when he shared the news of his pregnancy. That was freakily weird. And traumatizing. He had to comfort himself with gobs of high-fructose treats for weeks. Finishing off the watery treat, L laid back in the comforting folds of the bed sheets. The smell of Light's expensive shampoo and conditioner wafted gently from the pillow next to his. It brought a smile to his lips as he remembered how much he teased the poor boy for using conditioner on his hair when they first moved in together. There had been a lot of arguing during those days, but the constant make-up sex had been more than enough compensation. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until he got pregnant that they slowed down on make-up sex. Or sex at all. How disturbing.

"Eating on the bed again?" came the weary voice.

L let his eyes slide shut and a smile curl on his lips. "Is it that obvious?"

"Let's see, was it the open bottle of chocolate syrup running down the sheets or the giant rinds of watermelon that gave it away?"

"I'll go with the chocolate."

Sigh. "How'd the appointment go?"

Time to dodge the question. "How're your studies going?"

"They're fine…wait, why didn't you answer my question?" L heard the younger man walking around the bed to stand beside him. "Is something wrong?"

"If my not getting laid in a few weeks is anything to go by, then yes, something is terribly wrong."

"L, I'm being serious."

The pale man opened his eyes and looked up into that worried face. "There's nothing wrong with the babies."

"Oh, that's grea-"

Wow, it only took him .58 seconds to take in that information. "And before you ask, no I didn't make an error in using the plural. Ultrasounds showed that I'm going to give birth to twins." The large thud that came a few seconds later were not something that poor L was expecting. Neither was the sight of Light sprawled out on the floor with his eyes rolled back. "WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE FAINT?!!"

~_~_~_~_~_

Near was beginning to question his sanity. It had been one thing to accept that the feminine and prissy Mello had become pregnant, but this was on a whole different level of freakiness. L was pregnant with twins. Not only that, but Mello was pregnant again. Everyone was at L and Light's house and the two expecting men were chattering away about…disturbing things, and the two…non-pregnant men were looking quite pale and not talking at all. And then there was Near who was staring at everyone as if they had all attained world peace. It was a look of shock and confusion, not happiness.

Looking at Matt (who only recently had the cast from his broken hand removed), Near decided that some pitying words were in order. "I offer you my condolences. Your hand may never fully recover." Matt could only manage a weak smile as he clutched Heath closer to his chest. "On the other hand, if you haven't been using protection by now, then you deserve another child to teach you that there are consequences for stupidity."

"Give him a break," Light mumbled, looking like he was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he was going to have _two _screaming children in his life soon.

"Since you and L copulate like bunnies, I would suggest birth control over condoms," Near offered. After all, it looked like his elders weren't smart enough to figure things like that out for themselves.

"Has he started complaining about you not loving him yet?" Matt asked hoarsely, memories flashing through his hyperactive mind.

Light actually whimpered. "That _really_ happens?"

Matt nearly broke down in tears. "It's all happening again…"

Near decided that he no longer had a reason for feeling ashamed that he and Gevanni had never had sex with each other. As a matter of fact, he was seriously considering keeping it that way forever.

~_~_~_~_~_

"L, we have a serious problem!" Light yelled as soon as he entered the roomy house.

The black-haired man turned his head away from the baby channel to take in the agitated man. "Yes? Are they out of laundry detergent?"

Holding out the bag, he shook his head, beautifully kept hair swishing around. "No! I got the detergent!"

"Then hand it over," L commanded.

Sighing, he walked over and gave the "silky smooth, fresh natural outdoor scent" detergent to his boyfriend. L grinned and held the bottle to his chest like a child who had received candy. Opening up the bottle, he closed his eyes and took a wiff of the creamy liquid.

"Don't try to eat any this time," Light warned. "I _will_ smack you."

L just pouted. "That's spousal abuse. Do you want the children taken away because of your nasty temper?"

"We're not even married."

"That's right. We don't even have sex."

"Let's not go through this again, ok?"

"I'm still horny. I might hire a prostitute if you won't fulfill my needs."

"L, you're a fucking adult. Handle it yourself if you're not strong enough to hold off for a few months."

"Says the man who I caught jerking off to our home-made sex tapes."

"Shut up."

Shrugging, L returned his attention back to his precious laundry detergent. If Light wasn't going to give him some attention, he was going to ignore him. The Asian sighed heavily and collapsed on the couch beside L and stared blankly at the images of babies flashing across the screens. After a few minutes, the older man couldn't help himself, so he screwed the detergent top on and snuggled into Light's side. "Didn't you say that there was some kind of serious problem?"

"Shit!" Light exclaimed as he jumped up, promptly dumping L on the floor. "That's right, we're screwed!"

"Actually, neither of us have been screwed in quite a while."

"L, can you keep you mind out of the gutters for a freakin' second?!" L pouted and stared up at the frustrated brunette. "What I was going to tell you is that my mother had been so upset that I didn't go visit them for the winter break, that she's bringing my family _here_ for Spring Break!!"

"You're right. That's rather unfortunate."

"Unfortunate?! This is a disaster!"

"Light-chan, may I make a suggestion?" Light nodded, hoping that L wasn't going to say something profoundly stupid. "We're the two smartest people on this planet. I would like to suggest that if we put our minds to use, we'd be able to find a solution."

There was a god somewhere. "You're right. I guess…well, I just know my family! They're always difficult, so I was hoping to keep them away from you."

L smiled at the boy's thoughtfulness. "It'll be fine. Besides, I think that our biggest concern is breaking the news to your parents that they'll be grandparents soon. July isn't that far away."

"That's true. I guess we'll have to start off slowly…"

As Light fell deep into thought, a wicked grin spread across L's face. If Light wasn't going to give him sex, he was just going to have to take it. Forcefully, if need be. But he highly doubted it. Light was younger than he was so surely he was having a harder time controlling his urges. Not wanting to waste any more precious time, he pounced on the Asian and began to ravage his soft velvet lips. Light tried to say something, but the detective wouldn't have any of that. He nipped and sucked, pulling every trick out of the hat that he could. Pausing to let the man under him catch his breath, L leaned back and licked his lips.

"I'd suggest that you take it like a man and just fuck me. After all, you'd hate to have your ass pounded by a pregnant man, wouldn't you, Light-chan?"

Light blushed as he imagined L trying to top him, but the image of L having a miscarriage because of such a strenuous activity made him shake his head. No, he wouldn't let it get to that. If L really wanted his ass fucked, then fuck his ass Light would. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't find it in himself to fight the urges at the moment. Those tapes were nowhere near as good as L was.

"Fine, but we're going to do this my way."

"As long as I get laid, it's fine by me."

"Good, then we're headed to the bed. I refuse to have you stress out the babies by indulging in risky sex." L huffed, but Light pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. "Don't worry. Just because I'm not screwing you seven ways from Sunday doesn't mean that you won't enjoy it." His sadistic grin curled up beautifully, sending pleasurable tingles down L's spine. "I guarantee that you'll be screaming."

"And if I don't?" L purred, loving a good challenge.

"I'll let you do that thing with the vibrator to me."

Oh hell, if _that_ wasn't a turn on, then nothing was.

~_~_~_~_~_

Spring Break had come far too quickly for Light's tastes, but he had no choice in the matter. A god he may be in his in-progress novel, _Death Note_, but a god he was not in the real world. How sad. Glancing over at L nervously, he had to bite his tongue in order to keep his body from getting too excited. The older man was struggling to put on the leg warmers that Near loaned him (he had enough sense not to ask why the kid had _legwarmers_) due to the giant stomach he was toting around. Because he was carrying twins, L had ended up growing a bigger stomach faster than Mello. The blond kid was still able to hide his pregnancy under baggy shirts, but poor L had to resort to maternity wear so that he wouldn't stretch out his shirts.

Letting his eyes roam further up those sinfully perfect legs, he noted in appreciation that the miniskirt L was wearing was short enough to keep Light's attention and long enough to cover his manliness from the prying eyes of Light's family. The black skirt also had a touch of lace around the bottom edge in an attempt at making it a little more feminine. Not that a skirt needed help looking feminine. And then the poison green shirt L was wearing fit his form very well. It kept the entire belly covered while at the same time complimenting L's otherwise lanky figure.

"Are you ready?" Light asked softly as he moved towards the struggling man.

L nibbled his thumb cutely as he watched Light easily slip the extra clothing on. "I suppose."

It was surprising that L's voice had gotten a little higher due to the amount of estrogen running through his body, but Light still wondered if it was too deep for a girl. After all, he had finally been able to tell his parents that he had knocked up someone, but there had been no chance to explain that it was a man. Therefore, L was forced to dress up and act like a girl for the whole two weeks. Not that he minded too terribly. Tying L's shoes on for him, Light looked up at his gorgeous lover and smiled endearingly. All those motherly vibes coming from L had been putting him in a good mood lately.

"You make a pretty ugly girl, L," he teased, rubbing the other's milky calves.

"Hey, you're the one who knocked me up, so no complaining about how I look now." L grinned childishly and giggled when Light pressed a soft kiss to the swollen abdomen. "Oof, I think your son wants you to give him another kiss." A soft flutter of kicks swept across his belly making Light laugh.

"All right, but just one more." Light stroked L's belly tenderly, feeling for each twin before he leaned down and planted a kiss on each one.

"I think you kissed his butt," L deadpanned, but Light just swatted him on the arm.

"Let's get downstairs. They'll be here any minute."

With a giant heave, L got off of his rocking chair and walked down the stairs arm-in-arm with Light. No sooner had they reached the living room than the doorbell rang. The two lovers shared a worried look before nodding firmly. It was just two weeks, they could do it. Light grabbed the handle and pulled open the door to reveal his excited family.

"Light!!!"

"Light-chan!"

"Honey!!!!!!!"

The said boy was tackled to the ground by his overeager family. His mother was planting kisses all over his face, his little sister was babbling excitedly about getting to be an aunt, and his father was proudly hugging him.

"_Oh hell, Dad's actually _hugging_ me. Am I going to die now?"_

"Oh, Honey, how are you doing? You're looking so good and this house is sooo nice! How did you manage-?"

A gruff cough caught everyone's attention. As one, the Yagami family turned to see L standing in the living room with his thumb in his mouth.

"Welcome," he greeted.

Blushing in embarrassment, the entire family jumped up at attention. Soichiro coughed discreetly and held out his hand for a handshake. "It's a pleasure to finally get to meet you, Elle."

L looked at the man's hand as if it were infected before deciding take a hold of his palm with his own forefinger and thumb. He then proceeded to carry out the strange handshake. "The pleasure is mine, Yagami-san."

As Mrs. Yagami stepped forward to give L a hug, Sayu leaned closer to her nervous brother. "She's got kind of a deep voice, doesn't she?" the girl whispered innocently.

"Don't mention that, Sayu, that's rude," he whispered back. "She's very pregnant and very sensitive so don't be mean."

"Okay, okay, just sayin'."

Light stiffened as he saw his mother give L an awkward hug, but she didn't seem to notice anything unusual about the heavily pregnant "girl". Nope, she was busy ooohing and ahhhing over the gigantic belly.

"Hey, why don't we all sit down?" Light offered, slipping next to his nervous boyfriend. "L shouldn't be on her feet that much."

"Oh, goodness, you're right!" Mrs. Yagami squeaked. "Sit down, dear!"

Once they were all situated in the living room (L and Light on the love seat and the rest of the family opposite of them), the interrogation began.

"This is such a nice house, Light! How do you manage to afford it all? Surely not with the money we send."

"He probably has a job," Mr. Yagami replied with a puffed chest. "A good paying job if I do say so myself."

"What kind of job, nii-san?" Sayu asked excitedly.

"A-actually, I don't have one right now," he muttered in embarrassment. His father looked surprise. "L bought this house, but it's under my name." He thought that leaving out the fact that L burned down their last place and was thus forbidden from buying another house was the appropriate thing to do.

"Elle?" him mother repeated in surprise. "But how could you afford such an expensive house?"

"I'm an heir…ess." Sweet, nice save. "I actually have quite a bit of money, and didn't know what to do with it. So, naturally, I decided to spend it all on Light." He smiled sweetly at his lover.

"So it wasn't your money?" Mr. Yagami pushed.

Light sighed. "No, it wasn't, Dad. I only get the money that you guys send, so it would be impossible for me to afford something like this on my own."

The stern Japanese father frowned deeper. "But how do you plan on providing for your family?"

"Once I'm finished with school, I'll get a job. It's no big deal."

"Son, your girlfriend is about to pop. Are you saying that _she's_ going to be providing for you until you graduate?"

Ugh, he knew that his dad was going to freak out over their arrangement. Maybe he wouldn't be so mad if he knew that L was actually a guy. Then again…he'd probably kill Light if he knew L was a man. Not looking good either way.

"Yes, we've decided to have it like that. This way, I can focus on my schooling and raising my son for his first and most important year of life. After that, I'll get a job that will allow me to spend as much time as possible with him." Yes, Light never mentioned the fact that L was carrying twins. Baby steps, baby steps! His parents needed time to adjust to these things.

"Look, we're proud of all of your accomplishments, Light, but it's time that you become a man! You've gotten a girl pregnant, and it's time to step up. By the way, why weren't you using protection? Didn't school teach you that kind of stuff?" His dad sure had a way with words.

Everyone but Soichiro was blushing at that statement. "Dear, don't antagonize your son," Sachiko mumbled. "We've only been here for a few minutes…" The older man's frown deepened, but he didn't push anymore. Mrs. Yagami decided to pick up the conversation. "So, have you started dilating yet?"

L looked a little mortified about being asked about his non-existent vagina, but he replied promptly. "Of course not! I'm only five months pregnant."

The family's mouths dropped open. "B-but, you're _huge_!" Sayu protested.

"Mom! Didn't you teach her any manners?" Light screeched hoping that L's mood swing wouldn't decide to make a debut at that moment. He cast a glance at his lover and saw an annoyed look being directed at him. Ok, so he was going to have to tell his parents another piece of the news. Now. "Um, Mom? Dad?"

His entire family turned their full attention on him and he could practically feel his face glowing. "Yes?" Mr. Yagami encouraged gruffly.

"Well, L and I wanted to wait until you got here to share some more news." Now everyone was hanging on the edge of their seats. "Actually, we're having twins."

The squeals of delight from his mother and sister were nearly deafening. Sayu launched on top of L, hugging him and kissing his forehead and Sachiko was just giggling and holding a hand over her mouth. Light's dad just glared at him more firmly. "That's sooooo cool! I'll be an auntie to _two_ babies!!! Are they boys? Girls?"

L firmly pushed the excited girl off of him and wrinkled his nose in disgust from such intimate contact. Only Light was allowed to hold him or kiss him. "I'm carrying a boy and a girl."

"Ooooh, what're their names?!"

"Sayu, please stop shouting," Light sighed, rubbing his ears. "And we haven't decided on names yet."

"Let me help!" she cried desperately, clinging to her brother's leg and shooting puppy eyes at him with all her might. "Pretty please?"

Light looked to his lover for help, but L just glared at him. This was going to be a _long_ two weeks.

~_~_~_~_~_

"I think we should go on a vacation," L muttered as he collapsed backward on their shared bed. Light's parents weren't exactly thrilled with their son sleeping with his unmarried and pregnant "girlfriend", but L absolutely refused to do otherwise. He was _not_ going to share a room with the little hellion known as Sayu or the overly doting Sachiko.

"It's tempting," Light sighed as he helped L get undressed. The older man was too tired to do it himself, so he just laid there while Light did all the work. "But still, they're my family."

"Yes, _your_ family."

"Hey, that's not fair. I've had to deal with your nutcase family for years, so don't complain about being with my family for two damn weeks."

L turned to his side grumpily and refused to acknowledge the younger man. Sighing again, the Asian just went about his nightly routine before shutting off the light and sliding in behind his British lover. His tanned hands eased over the stressed out man's back before sliding over the stretched skin of his stomach. He rubbed little circles against the distended flesh, loving the way that he could feel the twins.

"Light?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you…am I really _that_ big?"

Ah, the big question. Good thing Matt had already prepped him for it. "L, you're not huge. Yes, you're big, but that's because you have two human babies growing inside of you. It's nothing to be ashamed about."

"Does it make me any less attractive?" he mumbled sadly. "Please be honest. I'll completely understand it if you are repulsed by my obese body and I won't ask for sex any more."

Pulling L to face him, Light looked straight into those onyx eyes. He wanted L to see him, to look him in the eye and know that he was being completely honest. "I love you. I wouldn't care if you were three hundred pounds or if you were fifty. I love _you_. Not only that, but you're the hottest thing on this damn planet, and I fully intend to fuck your brains out until the day I die."

The girly giggle L let slip only made Light's smile widen. "What if I die first?" he teased. "After all, I'm the _old_ one."

Light grinned pervertedly. "Ah, the wonders of modern science."

"You're so gross!"

With an arm beside L's face to support his weight, Light leaned in and gently took the other's lips. There wasn't any need for tongue or roughness because he just wanted to show his love for the eccentric boyfriend. It was ok to just press chaste kisses, and only the sound of their lips clicking against each other was heard. At least, for the first 30 seconds.

"Want to prove that you still love me?" L enticed with a sultry wink.

Light practically drooled eagerly. "Hell yeah."

_Down the hall…_

"Mom? What's that sound?"

Sachiko pulled a pillow over her daughter's virgin ears while Soichiro grumbled obscenities. "Nothing."

~_~_~_~_~_

By the end of the week, L had stretched his nerves as far as they would go and was ready to explode. He had been careful not to reveal his true gender, but it had been hard. With the family around 24/7, he wasn't allowed to walk around the house half-naked (or naked) and he and Light had to keep their love-making in the bedroom at night. Being a solitary creature, the raven-haired man was also finding it quite hard to deal with so many people for so long.

"Make them go," he begged Light.

"Look, they'll only be here for one more day! Can't you just suck it up until then?"

"No, I bloody hell cannot!" Now it was time for a hissy fit. "If they don't get out, I'm going over to Mello's! This is just too fucking much!"

"Now you're just being ridiculous, L," Light hissed.

L yanked a maternity shirt over his chest, not bothering to put pants or anything else on. "No, I'm not! I'm sick of the squealing, the touching, the awing, and a hell of a lot of other stuff! You're not the one dealing with it, so shut the fuck up!"

"You're the one acting like a kid, just throwing a damn hissy fit!"

"Well I'm not taking this sh-" With a loud thud, L turned and ran right into the closet door.

"Hell, are you ok?!" Light gasped as he ran over to check on his injured boyfriend.

"Light, what's going on?" Sachiko called out worriedly.

Then, being the macho man that he was, Soichiro kicked down the door to investigate. "Did you just hit Elle?!"

Both boys looked up in shock and that's when Mr. Yagami noticed something strange. "Elle" was wearing boxer briefs. Tight boxer briefs. Tight enough to show a certain part that one wouldn't expect a woman to have.

"Dad?" Light squeaked seeing his father pale considerably."

The older man collapsed to the floor in a dead faint, slightly foaming at the mouth.

"…That's getting kind of old…"

~_~_~_~_~_

"Are you happy now?" Light grumbled as he and L sat on their back porch.

L was sucking away happily on his ice cream bar dipped in ketchup, but he paused to reply. "Yes. It's unfortunate that things had to end like that, but at least we don't have to worry about telling them later."

"He disowned me. We won't be seeing them ever again."

"I wouldn't worry too much," L comforted. "There's a 97% chance that he'll take you back once he's had time to thing over things. Besides, your mother will nag at him until he does."

Light sighed and shook his head. "I suppose so."

Nothing but the sound of the wind blowing through the trees interrupted them. The sun peeked through the clouds, kissing their skin gently.

"Want to go shopping for baby clothes?" L tried, still slurping away on his disgusting treat. "Shopping always makes you feel better."

Tossing his head to get the bangs out of his eyes, Light shrugged. "I guess. We need to make sure that the stuff is color-coded, though."

Staring at Light (who was currently checking his fingernails for any flaws), L wondered why his family was so shocked at hearing that he was gay. Seriously.

~_~_~_~_~_

"What up, bitch?" Mello drawled as he inhaled another chocolate bar.

L sat heavily next to him and sighed. "It's hot."

"Yeah. Matt can't figure out how to fix the fucking AC. You'd think all his skills would be of some use, but no. He's worthless."

Heath was happily playing on the floor with his numerous toys and the two child-bearing men just watched. L began to fan himself with a magazine before the picture on the cover made him take a closer look. "Er, why do you guys have _Playboy_? I mean, besides it being out in the open, aren't you two gay?"

Mello just rolled his eyes. "Matt gets in these moods where he wants me to try different poses. I got sick of coming up with them on my own, so I needed a reference book"

L shuddered as he pulled out the centerfold. "That's disgusting."

The blond-haired devil just chuckled. "Maybe you should try that pose? Light-post might never recover from the blood loss." Just then, the door clicked open, and a sweaty Matt walked in, panting. "Tch, look at you," Mello teased, "so fucking hot and sweaty."

Matt blushed and moved one of the grocery bags in front of him. "Sorry I took so long."

Licking his lips slowly, Mello just stared at the brunette hungrily. "I think you need a spanking, Mattie," he purred as he stroked his thigh enticingly.

"Ah, please remember that I'm still here," L interrupted before the idiot gamer ravished the idiot blond. "Besides, your son is out here. Have some decency."

"I bet you're just pissy because that Light-post won't give you any," Mello shot back. "Matt knows better than to deny me."

"He just doesn't want to induce an early labor," the hunched man mumbled.

"Tell him that he doesn't have a choice! Whip him into submission if you need to. Besides, it's already June and you're gonna have the kids at any minute."

"But I'm due in July," L protested, trying to ignore his stomach cramps. They had been bothering him all day, but he figured that his insides were probably all bruised up from his active twins.

"Duh, you're having twins. That means you'll be delivering early." Mello rubbed his stomach thoughtfully as he watched Matt slip into their kitchen. "Hey, do you know if Near ever broke down and popped his cherry?"

L shook his head. "Gevanni's been pushing, but Near still isn't comfortable enough."

"What's there to be comfortable about?" Mello snickered.

"Unlike you, Near hasn't ever had someone to completely trust and rely on. It's not easy for him to give out a precious piece of himself like that."

Another wrapper was torn open. "So…was it hard for you to open up to Light like that?"

A smile curled on his pale and weary face. "Yes, it was. I may not have acted like it, but I was very nervous when we had sex for the first time."

Mello just laughed harshly. "I'm surprised that Mattie didn't run away screaming after our first time. I didn't take it easy on him at all!"

"He's a beast," Matt sniffled as he came in from the kitchen and slid onto the floor next to his son. "A cruel beast."

This time, L couldn't help the wince. Mello perked up and examined his mentor. "Hey, you're not looking too hot. Are you ok?"

"Ah, I'll be…fine." He rubbed his temples in an attempt to wish away the pain. "I think it's the heat; and the twins have been extremely active recently, so it might just be bruising."

Mello didn't looked convinced at all. Instead, he leaned over and pressed a hand against the quivering roundness of L's stomach. "How long have you been feeling this pain?" he questioned, his voice a bit higher.

"Ten hours," L grunted feeling utterly exhausted.

"At consistent increments?"

L looked up at the water stained ceiling. "…Yes, I suppose so."

"Holy shit on a stick, you're having contractions!!!"

Matt's eyes widened and he jumped to his feet, far more prepared this round of birthing babies. He didn't even need instructions and instead grabbed Heath and his stuff as well as the emergency baby bag should Mello freak out and go into labor as well. Mello grabbed L's arm and helped him up while he dialed Light.

"Yesss?" came the exhausted reply.

"It's L! He's having the baby right now and if you don't come you'll miss it all and you better not because not only will I kill you but L won't be happy and their your kids too and-"

"H-hold up…did you just say that the babies are coming?"

"Yeah."

"Fucking hell why didn't you say so sooner?!!!"

"Just get to the hospital!"

An hour later found all of the family gathered at the hospital where Dr. Hawthorne was preparing for the c-section. L was managing to remain calm, but Mello and Near were nervously at his side, asking if there was anything that they could do. Matt was in charge of the camera as he expertly carried Heath in a baby sling. Super Dad was on a role.

"Are you ready, Light?" Matt asked the nervous wreck of a father.

"Hold up, I'm calling my mom," he hissed at the intruding camera. "Oh, Mom?" He paused for a moment, tears welling in his eyes. "L's…he's having the baby. I…y-yes. Can you…yes. Dad? No, I'm not asking for forgiveness!"

"Do you have to do this now?" Near hissed. Even he knew better and he was socially retarded.

Light shot him an annoyed glance then turned his attention back to the conversation. "I-I'm not going to leave L! I'm in love with him, and he's having my damn babies right now, so you can either be happy with me and share this moment or be an ass and not care that you're about to become a grandfather."

"Wow," Matt mouthed to Mello before turning the camera back to the emotional man. Boy were those twins going to mock their dad when they got old enough to watch this.

"Alright, just don't stress him out. Ok." Light pressed the speaker button on the phone.

"L, honey, are you okay?" came Mrs. Yagami's voice.

"Well, I'm about to have my stomach sliced open and my intestines shoved out of the way before they proceed to pull two babies out of me. Considering that, I think that I'm doing fine."

"Y-you'll be…fine," Mr. Yagami tried.

"Thank you, father-san."

"Don't push your luck."

"Dad!"

"Um, it's time to start," Dr. Hawthorne stated.

Light handed the phone to Mello and took his place on L's other side. They intertwined their fingers and L looked up lovingly into Light's teary eyes. "I love you," he mumbled, kissing the tanned fingers.

"I love you too," Light replied with a sniffle.

Matt began giving a play-by-play on what the doctors were doing until Mello kicked him and demanded that he shut up. "No one wants to hear what's going on the other side of that tent-thingy," he hissed.

"Then…why the hell am I recording this?"

Before L could tell them to both shut up, an unhappy cry rang out, and Light burst into tears complete with sobbing.

"It's a girl!" the doctor called out excitedly, before handing the squirming child to a nurse. "And here we have…yep, here's the boy!"

L's childish grin curled up and he sighed in relief. "Wow, I really did it." He winked weakly at Mello. "Told you so."

"Heh, just wait until you get home," Mello snickered, patting L's shoulder.

Both bundles were carried over to the excited parents and L took them into his pale arms. Tiny faces scrunched up unhappily, not used to being outside of their mother's warm body. "They're so beautiful," Light said, the tears running down his face.

"I'm a grandmother now," Mrs. Yagami cried happily. "Congratulations, the both of you!"

Matt stared at the scene and tilted his head. "Wow…is it normal for all kids to be ugly when they're born?"

For future reference: never insult Mello's, L's, or Light's babies. EVER. And no, having a child on your hip doesn't spare you.

* * *

**Author's Notes: So there it is! I hope that you guys have enjoyed this. Thank you for all the reviews/alerts/favorites but as always I would appreciate some more reviews. :3**

**And, I absolutely have to do it. My dearest ToNightIamgone, here is what was promised. To everyone else, please have the honor of witnessing the marriage ceremonies between this fic and ToNightIamgon. XD**

**Me: Do you, ToNightIamgone take this fic, _Dear L_, to be your beloved story from now and to forever, 'till death do you part?**

**ToNightIamgone: (I assume you'll say "I do")  
**

**Me: _Dear L_, do you take this lovely writer, ToNightIamgone, to be your caring partner from now and to forever, 'till death do you part?**

**L: Do I have to answer this? I mean, a story can't logically answer such a question. **

**Light: I refuse to allow that crazed writer marry my L!!!**

**Me: Er, I believe that the story is the one getting married, not L...**

**Mello: Wait, before you carry on with such a ridiculous ceremony, shouldn't you marry us characters off? What kind of example are you giving to the readers?**

**Me: Like you're one to talk. Beating Matt into submission on your first night together? Aren't you the uke?**

**Mello: -click of a gun-**

**Me: I PRONOUNCE YOU FICTIN AND WRITER!!!!! -runs-  
**


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